All that furor and stress was related to these exams. And now they’ve passed. Life is stress-free now. How did they go? I’ll just say, let’s see. Not as great as my hopes were but still better than my worst nightmare. Biology and chemistry went “kinda” good. Physics sucked. Islamiat went dopes shit. English, well, ahem. Apart from minor blunders cool. Urdu not as great as I had prepared but still not very bad. Let’s hope for the best. Peace.

So here I begin

I am going to start. Studying. From now. I am going to grasp my goals and aspirations. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step.

1.Use your will power to create a habit and then you wont have to use your will power often.

2. Focus on the bigger picture here. Just like an artist. Although he does fine details he always have a bigger picture in his view.

3. Take occasional Breaks. Make it 50 minutes to 10 minutes ratio. Make those 10 minutes worth it.

4. Have a systematized lifestyle. You must know what you are supposed to do. Dont lose track of time.

5. You can do it. Just remember that YOU ARE THE BEST. If other people take one year, you take one month. If others take one month, you take 10 days. Believe in your skills,Ambitions, Goals and the ultimate destination.


And yeah i will edit and expand this post a lot. SO HERE MY LIFE STARTS.

Day 2

So day 2 was all for being accustomed to the idea. I wasted much more time today. But now, i am awake. I know what to do. How to play my cards right. Just took an improvised test. And now i am ready to give it my all. Took time to realize this though. I took a bath. Wait I am gonna offer prayers. I wont say that I am a true Muslim by religion but by culture I am and both are so intermingled together that you don’t know when you cross the limits because Islam is just a vast grey area between what a culture must be and what a religion is. Anyways, I am doing it for a soliloquy with myself. Silent. Like meditation. But more active form. And its a change. YES FINALLY. I am ready to study and give it my all. Meet ya tomorrow.

Day 1; Change begins

You are probably wondering what has this weird title about? Day 1. Like first day surviving a Zombie apocalypse. Yeah right. And what has this to do with previous awkward post? Well. Lets be honest here. I am going to track my entire day from today until my exams. 26 MAYYYYYYY. LESS THAN A MONTH LEFTTTTT. I AM WASTING SO MUCH TIME. WASTING SO MUCH TIME….. Woaah. I am calm tho. I am going to be sane and think about my present in a more wise way. I am going to change my lifestyle a little. First thing is that I must realize how crucial my time is right now. If I only study, this month. I can go to AIMC. And i always say, like a month ago, i said if i cant study only these two months i can make up for everything.  But I always forget or simple leave my goals. Thats the reason I am going to blog everyday. To remain in touch with my goals and ambitions.



I must write my entire goals here.

  1. Become a Paediatric Cardiac Surgeon or Psychiatrist. A big range here. But both interest me in different ways. And For that I must go to a Medical College. And I must study for that. It isn’t a hard thing to do while in fact it interests me. But its like i always waste time. I even locked up my iPad and Phone. ( Using sisters laptop right now :3) . THIS TIME IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. I am going to study.  I always say that. But now i am going to act upon it. EVERYONE is studying except for me. I am taking control of my life. I need a change. And I am gonna change my breakfast tomorrow. Don’t ASK WHY. I MUST ACT LIKE MY GOAL. Like i mean it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. As if i have already accomplished it.
  2. I also want to become a CSP Officer. PSP or DMG group is preferable.Foreign is also good but i hate the idea of living in Islamabad. I hate that boring city of odd people.  I crave power and sophistication. I will earn respect in society. CSS is pretty difficult but I hope I can make it. I will opt it after MBBS . Forget the above-mentioned goal if I become one but hey… it ain’t that bad.
  3. Be a cool guy. Everyone dreams that but seldom people actually are cool. Its more about how you handle yourself. How you, take your personality with you. Carry your mind. Wear cool clothes. Act expensive not cheap. These are a few things.
  4. Go on a hiking, somewhere. Like California in US. Go to Safari. Look at living things. Animals. I have a knack for biology, especially Zoology. I would like to go to Australia, merely for its rich biodiversity. Go For tourism. Different places. Check out their culture and most importantly CUISINE.
  5. Live in some western country. I am in love with their culture especially American culture. SO i would like to go there and work. If DONALD TRUMP is not a president by then. I want to see how does it feels to sit on a bench outside Starbucks.  Sitting with strangers seated besides you. Thats weird. But yeah. I want some friends there, who’d be better than most ppl here because they dont understand me. My persona is weird here.
  6. Talk about theism. People here are so orthodox. So close minded. SO limited. Islamists. Fundamentalists. Everyone is a mufti. Especially that Hamza Ali Abbasi drag queen.They are all islam here. I am a muslim. But a young outsider muslim. A humanist muslim. An agnostic muslim because i Believe islam is more than a religion, its a culture. A tradition. A way of living.
  7. Participate in debates. Give lectures. I dont know but i crave for it now. I want to teach people, something i like. I like philosophy, and psychology. Theism. God. Religions. History. Biology. Motivation science. I crave for them now
  8. Write books and articles. On more or less above mentioned aspects.
  9. Read books. I am not so into literature and yet call myself a book worm. Ive read many a books. But few of them were actually what youd call essentials. I have Shakespeare, Arthur Conan Doyle, Edgar Poe, Charles Dickens and J.K Rowling on my list.
  10. Programming was also my passion, so i would like to learn it again sometime and code some Android or IOS apps. If it werent for being a doctor, id be a software engineer.
  11. Pets. I have a long history with them. If I ever get a chance to own some pets. It would be a extreme punched Persian Cat and a German Shephard Dog. I would train my dog. Potty train cat. And its damn easy and I have spent so much time searching cats and dogs. Yeah cat and dog.  Especially, how to bath them. Feed them. Train them. Same goes for parrots.
  12. Contrasting to all i said above. I also like hunting. yeah. Precisely. So i would like to go to some decent hunting ground and get myself some deer, antelope or something like that.
  13. Arms. I love arms. I would have my own decent collection of AK-47. Remingtons. Dianas. But id prefer hunting ones.
  14. COOKING. So let me get to it straight. If i dont get a wife or girl friend in my near future. I am going to love it. Because COOKING IS PROBABLY MY BEST HOBBY. I wont mind being a cook.
  15. Owning a decent car and a nice watch is every guys dream. SO why not?
  16. Having a wife. Given my ugly face and Pakistani culture. I am probably at advantage due to arranged marriages. Extrovertk is preferable. If some family member is reading it, please dont talk to me about this. EVER.
  17. Painting. And sketching. Never got a chance to learn it properly, but ill learn it. I am bad at drawings but want to learn it badly.
  18. Flying and owning a heli. Most absurd thing youre gonna hear from anyone. But I am definitely not anyone. Inspired by, fifty shades of grey. Yeah kill me. I want to do it anyway.
  19. Fine dining. I like go to sumptuous dinners and experience fine dining. Not wine. And pork. Islamic prohibition. Although I am not islamic. But whatever. I want to go to New York and check out every restaurant.
  20. Video Gaming. Xbox One. PS4. You name it. I have spent so many years of my life longing for them. I got a PSP. Lost it. End of game. But i love gaming. Not very much but some games are like muaaah. PC gaming is more preferable.
  21. Photography. Not my utmost hobby. But yeah, i love it too. Although I do not own a decent Camera. It means I dont have a DSLR. Shame on me :3.
  22. Last but definitely not LEAST. Probably most important thing. I want to go to medical college and live my life out. Many of my above mentioned things, will find their place here and moreover hostel life. A car. Friends. Is a life to crave for. my mother said that it was best period of my life. I want to taste that glory too. ALLAMA IQBAL MEDICAL COLLEGE HERE I COME. ( Probably i will never make it there, so dont embarass me. I will be fine with anyother college too ;p)

There are probably many more. But I cant remember them. But i must remember that to achieve them i must study. And become a doctor. For if I don’t become one. I will achieve nothing. I will be like my Uncles, taking care of lands and buffaloes. Ploughing land , Farming and making both ends meet. And hardly fulfill my dreams. SO here I go.

Although perhaps, I will have a different feel and vibe later on but;


My Life’s Purpose

Sitting idle at breakfast table. Exams buzzing over my head. Head filled with ” Make USAIRAM ( XD) great again“. . Such furor over nerdness? But that’s how things are in my circle. TBH its more than just that. The motivation. I dont know if its fine to say it motivation, well hard work was at epitome in the beginning of the college session. But now, i am just lying around wasted. Exhausted. No Motivation. Its easier to blame others and put it all on someone else’s head. So I did that. Mood swings. Vibes was so INTO me that i was like, I can’t make up my study vibe. I cant study. I dont want to. Things never heal themselves. The conditions never adjust themselves for you. I watched hundreds ( yes literally) of motivational videos to get something which was already residing in me. I thought i could evoke that motivation. But that all exists for a moment though. For which I am like i could study hard and get back my standard. My standard was me looking in eyes of my friends. I cant stand hanging around him like a lowly guy. Layman. Not being good enough.

Now I know. Its always you who control your destiny. Your motivation. I know I cant compete with him or anybody else. But atleast I can try to give my best. I must learn to say NO. iPad. Facebook. Phone. All are very tempting. Sleeping. Procrastination. But now i must take the bull by the horns. I am not evoking motivation. I want to be a part of something bigger. My life is much greater than what it is now.I have dreams and Ambitions that i cant let die with me. Due to this temporary slackness on my part. Those things which make up my perosnality and truly myself. I cant just leave them. I MUST MAKE A MARK ON THIS WORLD. I want to be someone who affects someones elses life. Affect people. Make history. Be something greater. I am much better than other people out there. No superiority  complex here. But I cant think out of the box. Know much. I am creative. I am a geek. I am a geek. I am so much more than just a student. But i need to express all my talent in so called studies. 

1- I want to be a Doctor. Heal lives. But more than that, i like problem solving and have a extraordinary in Biology. Medicine. Interacting with people.

2- Public speaker. whether it be debating or seminar lectures.

3- Blogging. Well right now i am an immature teenage typing crap. But future is bright. i CAN TELL THAT.

Other than that, i want to read alot of books and write some of them. Many interests yet to ignite.

I have one month left, I am amidst of my preboards. I can still make it to the top. I always say that but for this time its real. Its greater. I am not makings this man loose everything. I am gonna take this man somewhere higher. Change in mood. Conditions. Emotions. Feelings. They are ever changing. DRASTIC CHANGES. Need to be made. I f   s o m e t h i n g  B o t h e r s   Y o u   B L O C K   I T. You control your life. You must show your potential. BE SERIOUS. THE TIME HAS COME. PLEASE USAIRAM. YOU CAN DO IT.  Don’t be an animal. Working on impulses. Instincts. I AM CHANGING MYSELF. No more surrendering to moods. Kill every distraction. You are gonna see me somewhere else soon. I am not dying. I am reviving. I will speaker louder and BOLDER. and be like a Boulder.

Does everything has to have a maker?

This question is really off the topic but demands to be discussed. We humans from our limited perception,knowledge,vision and restricted imagination of the world think that everything in this world is a result of something. Everything that occurs giving us a pageant of dramas in front of our eyes are cause of something. When a candle is lit it is lit through a lighter or a match and we are the ones carrying out this process. But have you ever thought otherwise? The other way, contrasting to our abilities and restrained knowledge? Does everything needs to happen like we are used perceive?

As a Muslim, I am well aware of my path and the conception of this world and my path on which i have to venture out has already been chalked out for me by me religion. I don’t have to think about creation, universe and life. I have been told that I should seek enlightenment and guidance from Quran,the source of knowledge,ethics and light glistening upon our paths of life. But  so far the creation is concerned, according to my religion ,in which I firmly believe ,by the way,everything in this universe was created by God and if the theory of big bang is correct , Allah or “Yahweh” caused it all. But the a mind boggling question arises , if that’s how this universe was created, who created God? My religion answers this question as well. Its says that God has no son or father or relative;is unique and peerless; Hence was not created. SO, yes there comes a point when we have to crop this creation thingy out of our mind that everything has to be created. Some things or actions are not created or caused by someone , they are like eternal from the indefinite beginning. “Beginning” itself has troubled concept, from our insight a discussed before, it is not obligatory for something to have a beginning and a start.

This fallacy was first discovered in Aquinas 5 proofs of Gods existence. If God isn’t made by anything and is from the beginning, why can’t universe exist from the beginning.

So talking about the origin. Not everything needs to have a start. Our confined thoughts are hardwired to think that there has to be origin of something. But its not true. Our thought stop at a certain limit beyond which we cease to think. Their lies a world beyond our imagination. Now only “science” can lead the “philosophy”.

Living life in my perspective

There are many types of life people live. Some people are chastened by the certainty of impending death, some live following the epicurean motto (eat, drink and be merry), some people live without giving it a thought, and Hellen Keller thinks that we should love our each day as if it was our last.

Those people who live subdued and gloomy life due to the certainty of imminent death, live life wrong way. They will be down for the most of their time and won’t be able to exploit their life for fun. Fun will be meaningless for them.

Those people who live without giving it a thought, though unwitting, someway live their life better than the above mentioned.

I have several objections with the Hellen Keller perspective. You can not live each day as if it was lost. It’s not practically possible. You won’t be reading this and I won’t be writing this. People won’t be giving each other any love and compassion, they will become selfish and all sorts of problems will emerge in the society and we will become narcissistic and self-centered.

I think the best way is to follow the epicurean motto, live each day with delectation and happiness without any regret. Be happy all the time and fully exploit your life. 😀 . Peace.


Happiness can never be achieved by immoral and corrupt means. You can never be happy if you destroyed someones life merely to make your life better. That guilt will kill you and will burn you from inside.