I have been wasting myself a lot these days. Its not even these days, it goes back to the time when i was giving my 11th Grade exams. I was caught in a vicious cycle of depression. Guilt used to fill my heart when i procrastinated, which led to depression further on and this cycle continued. Now, Ill try to address this issue so that it may never happen again, or that i am prepared to overcome it when it reappears later on. So first step is;
DESOLATE THE FEELING OF GUILT
Okay, I agree that I was wrong and have been wrong. I have done pretty lame things in the past. I have wasted my potential time and again. I have deceived myself as well as the God and my abilities. I could have done so much better at so many things but whats done is done. I could have scored more in 11th Grade but whats done is done. I could have wasted less time in 11th Grade but whats done is done. And thinking about my failures in the past is not gonna help in any way. It will only lead me down into a more crippled state; more tensed state; more disappointments. The only way open to me is to look forward and forget the pasts. I got a bad 88% in part one. But that’s just a small 20% of Medical aggregate.
LOOK FORWARD TO FUTURE
Now, I must keep looking to a brighter future. I have some dreams that i want to fulfill no matter what and one of them is to enter into a prestigious medical institute. My past choices have been wrong and I agree with it but that must not alter my present, which is gonna delineate my path to more disappointments. I have MCAT as well as second year to look forward to. And I must believe that I will score high in these exams and that I can do it. Every day is a new chance to rise and shine.
START STUDYING FROM NOW
Yes. Depression transgresses further into my study habits and do so badly. So lets try to stop depression by studying rather than procrastination which is gonna affect me badly. So to eliminate depression and my chances of failure, I must continue my actions. These actions must be such that I try to fill my day with productivity which will increase the positivity and happiness. I must remember at all times, the more I study the closer I am to medical university. So studying must be my primary motivation and profession. Forget the PAST. Just believe that you CAN DO IT and MUST DO IT.
Yes, healthy insanity and delirious feeling are gonna help me here. I should study like mad psychopaths from now on. Strong emotional attachment to studying will make me feel homely when studying books and eradicate negative vibes associated with it. ITS JUST ONE YEAR NOW, SECOND YEAR+MCAT. EMBRACE LUNACY. I CAN DO IT.