Day 2

So day 2 was all for being accustomed to the idea. I wasted much more time today. But now, i am awake. I know what to do. How to play my cards right. Just took an improvised test. And now i am ready to give it my all. Took time to realize this though. I took a bath. Wait I am gonna offer prayers. I wont say that I am a true Muslim by religion but by culture I am and both are so intermingled together that you don’t know when you cross the limits because Islam is just a vast grey area between what a culture must be and what a religion is. Anyways, I am doing it for a soliloquy with myself. Silent. Like meditation. But more active form. And its a change. YES FINALLY. I am ready to study and give it my all. Meet ya tomorrow.

Day 1; Change begins

You are probably wondering what has this weird title about? Day 1. Like first day surviving a Zombie apocalypse. Yeah right. And what has this to do with previous awkward post? Well. Lets be honest here. I am going to track my entire day from today until my exams. 26 MAYYYYYYY. LESS THAN A MONTH LEFTTTTT. I AM WASTING SO MUCH TIME. WASTING SO MUCH TIME….. Woaah. I am calm tho. I am going to be sane and think about my present in a more wise way. I am going to change my lifestyle a little. First thing is that I must realize how crucial my time is right now. If I only study, this month. I can go to AIMC. And i always say, like a month ago, i said if i cant study only these two months i can make up for everything.  But I always forget or simple leave my goals. Thats the reason I am going to blog everyday. To remain in touch with my goals and ambitions.

“NOBODY SAID THAT IT WAS GONNA BE EASY,

BUT ITS GOING TO BE WORTH IT”

I must write my entire goals here.

  1. Become a Paediatric Cardiac Surgeon or Psychiatrist. A big range here. But both interest me in different ways. And For that I must go to a Medical College. And I must study for that. It isn’t a hard thing to do while in fact it interests me. But its like i always waste time. I even locked up my iPad and Phone. ( Using sisters laptop right now :3) . THIS TIME IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. I am going to study.  I always say that. But now i am going to act upon it. EVERYONE is studying except for me. I am taking control of my life. I need a change. And I am gonna change my breakfast tomorrow. Don’t ASK WHY. I MUST ACT LIKE MY GOAL. Like i mean it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. As if i have already accomplished it.
  2. I also want to become a CSP Officer. PSP or DMG group is preferable.Foreign is also good but i hate the idea of living in Islamabad. I hate that boring city of odd people.  I crave power and sophistication. I will earn respect in society. CSS is pretty difficult but I hope I can make it. I will opt it after MBBS . Forget the above-mentioned goal if I become one but hey… it ain’t that bad.
  3. Be a cool guy. Everyone dreams that but seldom people actually are cool. Its more about how you handle yourself. How you, take your personality with you. Carry your mind. Wear cool clothes. Act expensive not cheap. These are a few things.
  4. Go on a hiking, somewhere. Like California in US. Go to Safari. Look at living things. Animals. I have a knack for biology, especially Zoology. I would like to go to Australia, merely for its rich biodiversity. Go For tourism. Different places. Check out their culture and most importantly CUISINE.
  5. Live in some western country. I am in love with their culture especially American culture. SO i would like to go there and work. If DONALD TRUMP is not a president by then. I want to see how does it feels to sit on a bench outside Starbucks.  Sitting with strangers seated besides you. Thats weird. But yeah. I want some friends there, who’d be better than most ppl here because they dont understand me. My persona is weird here.
  6. Talk about theism. People here are so orthodox. So close minded. SO limited. Islamists. Fundamentalists. Everyone is a mufti. Especially that Hamza Ali Abbasi drag queen.They are all islam here. I am a muslim. But a young outsider muslim. A humanist muslim. An agnostic muslim because i Believe islam is more than a religion, its a culture. A tradition. A way of living.
  7. Participate in debates. Give lectures. I dont know but i crave for it now. I want to teach people, something i like. I like philosophy, and psychology. Theism. God. Religions. History. Biology. Motivation science. I crave for them now
  8. Write books and articles. On more or less above mentioned aspects.
  9. Read books. I am not so into literature and yet call myself a book worm. Ive read many a books. But few of them were actually what youd call essentials. I have Shakespeare, Arthur Conan Doyle, Edgar Poe, Charles Dickens and J.K Rowling on my list.
  10. Programming was also my passion, so i would like to learn it again sometime and code some Android or IOS apps. If it werent for being a doctor, id be a software engineer.
  11. Pets. I have a long history with them. If I ever get a chance to own some pets. It would be a extreme punched Persian Cat and a German Shephard Dog. I would train my dog. Potty train cat. And its damn easy and I have spent so much time searching cats and dogs. Yeah cat and dog.  Especially, how to bath them. Feed them. Train them. Same goes for parrots.
  12. Contrasting to all i said above. I also like hunting. yeah. Precisely. So i would like to go to some decent hunting ground and get myself some deer, antelope or something like that.
  13. Arms. I love arms. I would have my own decent collection of AK-47. Remingtons. Dianas. But id prefer hunting ones.
  14. COOKING. So let me get to it straight. If i dont get a wife or girl friend in my near future. I am going to love it. Because COOKING IS PROBABLY MY BEST HOBBY. I wont mind being a cook.
  15. Owning a decent car and a nice watch is every guys dream. SO why not?
  16. Having a wife. Given my ugly face and Pakistani culture. I am probably at advantage due to arranged marriages. Extrovertk is preferable. If some family member is reading it, please dont talk to me about this. EVER.
  17. Painting. And sketching. Never got a chance to learn it properly, but ill learn it. I am bad at drawings but want to learn it badly.
  18. Flying and owning a heli. Most absurd thing youre gonna hear from anyone. But I am definitely not anyone. Inspired by, fifty shades of grey. Yeah kill me. I want to do it anyway.
  19. Fine dining. I like go to sumptuous dinners and experience fine dining. Not wine. And pork. Islamic prohibition. Although I am not islamic. But whatever. I want to go to New York and check out every restaurant.
  20. Video Gaming. Xbox One. PS4. You name it. I have spent so many years of my life longing for them. I got a PSP. Lost it. End of game. But i love gaming. Not very much but some games are like muaaah. PC gaming is more preferable.
  21. Photography. Not my utmost hobby. But yeah, i love it too. Although I do not own a decent Camera. It means I dont have a DSLR. Shame on me :3.
  22. Last but definitely not LEAST. Probably most important thing. I want to go to medical college and live my life out. Many of my above mentioned things, will find their place here and moreover hostel life. A car. Friends. Is a life to crave for. my mother said that it was best period of my life. I want to taste that glory too. ALLAMA IQBAL MEDICAL COLLEGE HERE I COME. ( Probably i will never make it there, so dont embarass me. I will be fine with anyother college too ;p)

There are probably many more. But I cant remember them. But i must remember that to achieve them i must study. And become a doctor. For if I don’t become one. I will achieve nothing. I will be like my Uncles, taking care of lands and buffaloes. Ploughing land , Farming and making both ends meet. And hardly fulfill my dreams. SO here I go.

Although perhaps, I will have a different feel and vibe later on but;

SO HERE I START.

My Life’s Purpose

Sitting idle at breakfast table. Exams buzzing over my head. Head filled with ” Make USAIRAM ( XD) great again“. . Such furor over nerdness? But that’s how things are in my circle. TBH its more than just that. The motivation. I dont know if its fine to say it motivation, well hard work was at epitome in the beginning of the college session. But now, i am just lying around wasted. Exhausted. No Motivation. Its easier to blame others and put it all on someone else’s head. So I did that. Mood swings. Vibes was so INTO me that i was like, I can’t make up my study vibe. I cant study. I dont want to. Things never heal themselves. The conditions never adjust themselves for you. I watched hundreds ( yes literally) of motivational videos to get something which was already residing in me. I thought i could evoke that motivation. But that all exists for a moment though. For which I am like i could study hard and get back my standard. My standard was me looking in eyes of my friends. I cant stand hanging around him like a lowly guy. Layman. Not being good enough.

Now I know. Its always you who control your destiny. Your motivation. I know I cant compete with him or anybody else. But atleast I can try to give my best. I must learn to say NO. iPad. Facebook. Phone. All are very tempting. Sleeping. Procrastination. But now i must take the bull by the horns. I am not evoking motivation. I want to be a part of something bigger. My life is much greater than what it is now.I have dreams and Ambitions that i cant let die with me. Due to this temporary slackness on my part. Those things which make up my perosnality and truly myself. I cant just leave them. I MUST MAKE A MARK ON THIS WORLD. I want to be someone who affects someones elses life. Affect people. Make history. Be something greater. I am much better than other people out there. No superiority  complex here. But I cant think out of the box. Know much. I am creative. I am a geek. I am a geek. I am so much more than just a student. But i need to express all my talent in so called studies. 

1- I want to be a Doctor. Heal lives. But more than that, i like problem solving and have a extraordinary in Biology. Medicine. Interacting with people.

2- Public speaker. whether it be debating or seminar lectures.

3- Blogging. Well right now i am an immature teenage typing crap. But future is bright. i CAN TELL THAT.

Other than that, i want to read alot of books and write some of them. Many interests yet to ignite.

I have one month left, I am amidst of my preboards. I can still make it to the top. I always say that but for this time its real. Its greater. I am not makings this man loose everything. I am gonna take this man somewhere higher. Change in mood. Conditions. Emotions. Feelings. They are ever changing. DRASTIC CHANGES. Need to be made. I f   s o m e t h i n g  B o t h e r s   Y o u   B L O C K   I T. You control your life. You must show your potential. BE SERIOUS. THE TIME HAS COME. PLEASE USAIRAM. YOU CAN DO IT.  Don’t be an animal. Working on impulses. Instincts. I AM CHANGING MYSELF. No more surrendering to moods. Kill every distraction. You are gonna see me somewhere else soon. I am not dying. I am reviving. I will speaker louder and BOLDER. and be like a Boulder.