The Serpent of Death

The beauty of those malefic scales

Casting behind them the erratic trails

Like a ship that amidst a desert sails

Swift like the swallows, slow like the snails

Yet in time like the timely post mails

The wielder of those fangs never fails

To silent the singing of the nightingales

Or the sapiens getting drunk on their ales

Nothing can deter it, not even the gales

Blowing unthwarted above the steep dales

Air stinking of putrid sinful flesh it exhales

It hammers on your due coffin its ultimate nails

Manette Street

Down the famous Manette street
Homeless drunkards roam
Brass chalice with the lips meet
On them stays the foam

The days come and go
But the time remains the same
The life there is slow
No passion, no fire and no fame

People with no stories to tell
Nothing to celebrate, nothing to mourn
Liquor and folks and many a gal
Lay dead, others waiting for the sojourn

The day there, is like the night
It stinks of spoiled meat and fruit
Corpses lay everywhere in sight
And the cigars with their dense soot

People, like me, lived and died
Spent their lives on that vile side
Nothing to seek, and nothing to provide
The booze and cigars aside

Now that I’m a spectre
I must confess
I see through your threads and texture
The life of futility, sombriety and stress

And before you bite the dust- you’re full of regret
Longing for a life you never had
While you were busy paying your debt
You were squandering the only time you get

You had worked like a galley slave
Saving money you’d never spend
Forgetting your eternal abode- your grave
To buy houses you’ll leave at the end.

Come over to the Manette street
You deemed so heinous and deplorable- and become our countryman
And live a life free of agony and grief
And get over with it as soon as you can

We get that our lives lack the passion
Compassion, ambition and things of that fashion
But here, there is a paucity of depression
No compulsion, delusion or aggression

We get that our lives lack the hope
The delusion of grandeur
But we stand with truth you cannot ignore
The life carries no inherent purpose

We get that our lives feel futile,
We are bone idle and directionless
But we’re not the ones creating pile
Of lies, hopes and dreams that transgress

We get that our lives may seem plodding and in vain
Encroaching death with a sluggish pace
But for us it’s over like a steam-powered train on a smooth terrain
While yours may seem blistering in a neverending maze

Delusion of hope or the brittle reality
The choice is yours to make
No need to toil seeking the absurdity
Only to realize it in the end- it was all fake

Live your life passionately
Thinking it was purposeful.
But when you’re tired of it all
Welcome to the Manette street

Thoughts on Terrorist Organizations.

People who possess hegemonic powers use nationalism, patriotism, faith, religion and doctrines to excite the masses; To Unite them under different contexts, and then “use” them for their own personal motives and interests.
In “The Republic”, by Plato, a sophist Thrasymachus, trying to define justice, states that the laws are created by those in power in accordance to their own personal interests and this when enforced upon the body of common people constitutes “justice”. Similary Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a French thinker, states that the laws and morality are created by the strong to subjugate the weak.
As it is noted that the ISIS is not strictly religious group, rather a congregation of people driven by nationalism under the pretense of Islam. It uses Islam to sanction their xenophobia, hatred, barbarianism, intolerance and orthodoxy. Aristotle said that any form of government, especially autocracy or monarchy (ISIS and Al-Qaeda is an example), if it consolidates religion with the state, gives it a divine status; People are more willing to suffer injustice by the hands of such ruler, less likely to conspire against him and believe that God is fighting alongside them; The crusade wars aptly describe this.

ISIS uses “nationalism” to infuse people with chauvinism. They remind them of the Ummayed and Abbasid Caliphate; They remind them of the era of Umer; They remind them of their golden age. They glorify and exaggerate their past and show them a way to procure it all back from those who “stole” their glory from them.
And to inundate “divine” power to their ideals they exploit Islam and concoct an alternate ,partially fabricated, paranorama that western countries are the enemy of God; They fear the glory of Islam; They want to annihilate Islam. And if you combine Jews with them? You get zionist conspiracy theories in the mainstream community. Paulo Coelho said in his book, The Zahir, if one fireman notices a smudge on his partner’s face, he’d assume that his face is also grimy and wash it even if it is clean. Ex nihilo nihil fit- nothing comes from nothing- so west also replies befittingly, quid pro quo; And this fuels the animosity which grows on the both sides.
People join ISIS not for religion but the nationalism associated with it.
For It’s not the “Islam”, which is driving them rather the “Muslim Supremacy”.
Robert Pape worked on this very case, interviewed hundreds of captured terrorists. He found out that ISIS terrorists had “Radical Theology”, not associated with any religion.
So it can be aptly concluded that religion is used to sanction one’s ideals (which, undoubtedly, slanders it’s image); The same could be claimed for Buddhist Burmese militants waging a war against the impotent Rohingya population.
“An organization doesn’t necessarily represent the ideals of the religion it professes”.

Defining My Fate

WHAT DO I WANT TO ACHIEVE?

  1. Prominence 
  2. Excellence in any desired field. 
  3. Respect
  4. Wealth
  5. Feeling of Importance and being able to make a difference. 

These are those abstract terminologies that everyone has sought after since the day Adam was created and I am no different than those many who have gone before me.

WHAT DO I WANT TO BECOME?

I would like to become a certain someone who has achieved the abovementioned.

  • A Doctor. (MBBS+PLAB+MRCP/FRCP)
  • An Entrepreneur.
  • A Business Mogul.
  • A Public Speaker. (Either related to business or psychiatry/psychology)
  • An Author.
  • Knowledgeable and well-read in Finance, Startups, Management, Marketing, investment, Philosophy, and Psychology.

HOW DO I GET THERE?

This is the most difficult question to tackle, after realizing your objectives. And truth be told, nobody knows how exactly will he become a business mogul because only a very few make it there. But I do have a general outline.

Complete your Med school. 

  • Try to get well-versed in business and marketing during med school.
  • Try gaining experience with Startups and businesses in the meantime.

Take the PLAB exam 

  • Get into some residency you prefer by then.
  • While you’re studying there or doing an internship, start moonlighting and initiate some Startup with the help of a co-founder.
  • It won’t succeed perhaps, but keep on initiating startups and try to get into the Y-combinator.

Ultimately If I succeed I could get some passive income flow from my startup. I will be trying to establish a location independent startup. If I can pull this through completely, I will be able to not only start a business but also become a specialist. This way, even if my venture fails I’ll have something.

WHY WILL I GET THERE?

Because I am a pretty creative and well-rounded person so being a “renaissance man” that is curious about the world in general, will help me.  And being an existentialist, It’s my one true purpose so I can go to any limit to reach my goal. I am not scared of losing everything if it means to reach my ambition.

WHY DO I WANT TO GET THERE?

We only live once. The world is meaningless and none of this will matter millions of years from now so It will be fun to risk it all and achieve what’s regarded as the epitome of success. I want to create a huge passive income flow so that I can afford to pursue the leisure activities of reading philosophy, discussions, traveling, woodworking, writing, giving lectures and do other things that might please me.

WHAT IF I DON’T GET THERE?

If I don’t get there, I’ll be happy to know that I tried. But one thing will be certain I’ll land on the moon in the least. I’ll have my career to lean on and will incorporate my business strategies in Pakistan.

HOW DO I START? 

Proffs pass krlo.

The Matchbox

A tiny droplet silently slides down a pale rustic leaf, depressing it ever so slightly as it drops onto a green leaf making it glisten like a diamond as if it was smiling gratefully at the older leaf which sheltered it. Suddenly, a stream of cold air comes their way. A cascade of cold wind tugs the older leaf, pulling it with itself. The older leaf shows no reluctance at all as if it was waiting for this moment for a long time and flows with the air leaving the younger leaf to fend for its own against the tarnishing spell of time. Why did the old leaf offer no resistance to the suicidal wind?

This erupts a vague smile on my face as I try to decipher the scenario in front of me but fail to do so. Maybe somethings just happen. Maybe sometimes they have no reason to do so. My gaze darts towards the gloomy sky which has become heavy with water, just like me with my accruing despair, and is crying somewhat. I can not comprehend if the tears were shed on the futility of life or its bliss.

A deep sigh escapes my mouth involuntarily .”Life is complicated, isn’t it?”, I whisper, still watching the sky intently as it gradually becomes sober. The once expansive dark cloud has dissolved into the thin air. Softly the evening comes and all the gaudy colors that encompassed the surroundings become drab and sombre.

A thick smog has shrouded the forest and is rendering the trees that inhabits it obscure. I inhale the moist air slowly and feel an enigmatic pressure rising within me. What was that? Maybe a feeling perfected by the millions of years of evolution felt by everyone yet expressed by none. I take out a matchstick out of its box which has already been here somehow and light up a cigarette. My pale meticulous fingers reach my quivering lips as I place a burning cigarette against them. I inhale the cigarette, letting the ecstasy of smoke wash me and exhale the smoke, projecting my head towards the atavistic wooden fence which parapets the bridge underneath which a torpid yet fathomless river dwells. Before I can see the smoke, it has already dissipated into the cold air incorporating into it my regrets, leaving me behind with a euphoric feeling of emptiness.

The river below me has devoured thousands of aspirations and sorrows yet no one has ever satiated its hunger for dispirited spirits. Yet I hope, like every other person who has ever come to this bridge, that the immense crippling burden of my own existence will quench its thirst.

I clench my fists around the round upper edge of the fence to push myself across, leaving the realm of funereal meaningless existence for the allure and serenity of oblivion. I leap towards the nothingness as the thick air thwarts me. Just like the old rustic leaf that fell with the gushing wind, I fall bearing no reluctance or regrets. Maybe now I understand why that leaf offered no resilience; it was time. It is time.

The burning cigarette on the wooden table douses. The Matchbox lies beside it, awaiting someone else.

It was a Dark and Stormy Night

It was a dark and stormy night,
There were people on either side,
Stabbing, sparring and screaming.

It was a dark and stormy night,
It was a night of absolute darkness,
Clouded was the sky, and no bird to fly.

Dilapidated buildings, crying children,
Smoke rising from the burning ale,
Thick air, heavy on the lungs, painful to eyes.

It was a dark and stormy night,
It was a war between two men,
Caught between them was the entire den,

Everyone was a pawn, toiling in calamity,
Seen nothing except someone else’s vision,
Showing meaninglessness of the humanity,

It was a dark and stormy night,
Streets drenched with some fresh smell,
Of men’s blood which fell for someone else,

The serenity and civility of the city was no more,
The humanity was no more,
As the violence progressed it revealed our raison d’etre,
To fight is human, to mourn is also human.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Note: As many would have noted, I used the prompt “It was a dark and stormy night” deliberately provided its negative connotation among many literary circles because I believe that literature is just like the art: it isn’t about how it’s constituted rather what it symbolises and the emotions it evokes.

And That’s Where I’m Going

In those moments of silence,
Defined by solitude and self reflection,
That moment when you cease to care about the world,
When you’re an observer- not the passenger,
I found myself there- crippled by the stresses of life,
The incipient loneliness bludgeoning me,
The loss of motivation blurring my view,
I’m sick of this; I’m sick of life.
The pub is where they go,
Life presses them and rum is where they go,
The whorehouse is where they go,
Life presses them and sex is where they go,
The tobacco store is where they go,
Life presses them and cigarettes is where they go,
Camus calls this the biggest problem of mankind,
Some call it the only way out,
Some sin, others crime,
Some freedom, others curse.
I think freedom too.
It’s all too much to bear.
You see a dream only to get there and sigh.
Only to look forward to another one, until there’s nothing to dream.
Nothing is where that ends.

That’s where they go.
And that’s where I’m going.

 

Reinvention; Five Cardinal Principles

1- Nothing to lose

This is the fundamental principle. If my life is meaningless and I am not scared of death then I’ve nothing to lose. Remember not to cling to anyone or anything your entire life as it only weakens you by causing dependence. The things that you own end up owning you. Don’t let the inherently meaningless purpose possess you to the state of obsession such that after winning you forget this principle or after losing suffer from depression like a drug withdrawal.  If you don’t get too engrossed in any activity or person or thing only then shall thou be truly free and possess sound mind.

2- Do things merely for enjoyment 

If nothing matters in the end and every action I do is in vain then the sole purpose of any activity I indulge in must be for the sake of pleasure. If you’re studying do it not as a mean but as an end. You can probably create short-term goals but like I mentioned before don’t cling to them as these are ultimately futile. Never expect a greater reward than what you’re experiencing.

3- Struggle to achieve your purpose

The subjective meaning that you’ve assigned to you’re life must be your purpose. Achieving it won’t affect anything, obviously, apart from fulfilment. You must struggle to get this part right. For me, my purpose is to become this fictional character who has completed my impossible list. This person is a doctor who has a taut physique and has an eloquent speech pattern and is a good public speaker. This person is a Doctorpreneur. Whatever traits that this ideal character possesses, are my purpose. Do the maximum possible knowing that you cant go any further but dont get too attached so as to become a mentally troubled person.

4- Absolutely avoid worthless activities 

This is the law of my life. All of the activities that progress the procurement of my purpose are effective and essential but those actions which do not further my position are worthless and negative. So such activities must be avoided at all costs and remember that with time your resistance against them will increase. And counter depression! For me, depression is usually caused by time wastage and doing unimportant tasks like watching anime instead of reading books and this can cause unhappiness and depression. As my future self does not need to be depressed so I should avoid such activities as well.

5- Try your best but welcome failure to learn

I will try my best to achieve the best results that’ll enable me to achieve my purpose but if I fail, I should wholeheartedly welcome it. My life’s purpose must be to fail as much times as possible to learn more about success.

Future Usairam, read this and I’ll come back to you.

Mental Catharsis I

A man fails only when his dreams die.

A man fails only when he stops growing.

A man fails only if he can’t go further anymore.

A man fails only when he loses hope.

A man fails only when he fails to appreciate the dawn. 

A man fails only when he fails to forget the dusk.

Success is not an antonym of failure as most of us believe rather just one of its manifestations. One can’t exist without the other. If we are to comprehend the entrepreneurship spirit we’ll know that life is all about failing and failing until that right time when everything clicks and seems to get put in place. Everything might seem out of order in a state of jeopardy until that one time when all of your aspirations and failures, all of your hard-work and laziness, all of your optimism and pessimism, all of your hopes and fears- in short, every ebb and flow of life gets integrated into a single entity, of which everything is a necessary component, called success.

Go and scrutinize the life of Steve Jobs, Michael Jordon, Serena Williams, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and all other successful people who didn’t succeed at their first chance. Failure is the best way to grow and learn. One must fail in order to learn what it needs to be successful and most of all failure provides you with the opportunity to succeed because it’s not the winner rather the loser who actually understands the importance of the trophy.

I am lucky to go through failure at such a ripe young age and understand the principles upon which the human psychology is based. The more you work hard for something the more desperate you are to get it and greater will be the pain if you fail. I failed yet I succeeded to experience life firsthand. I forgot the reality of life, that is nihilism, and got myself so engrossed with studies and the result that I failed to distinguish what mattered and what did not. I started with this fundamental belief that life has no purpose and all that I do, once will be eradicated from the memory of society. People won’t exist forever neither will humanity itself because the world surely will end someday and even if it doesn’t humans won’t be homo sapiens any longer. We are just some atoms and molecules governed by some physical laws and that is what we always will be. Death is just as meaningless as the life itself and it is vain to assign it a meaning. Either you give your life a subjective meaning, knowing that objective truth doesn’t exist, is neither wrong nor right because it neither matters nor does morality exists.

I assigned my life a meaning that is to become someone I aspire to be. And that personality is a doctor among many other things. Even though me achieving this goal is neither good or bad nor does it matter but it’s better to go with the flow as any other sentinel being might. So, it was meaningless in the first place so there is no need to worry about something that never mattered in the first place. I don’t care if I fail, I don’t die if I fail and remember that death is only as meaningful as life itself. So study because you enjoy the process not because it will add meaning to anything. It’s like work done by a conservative force in a closed cycle. One day when you’ll die none of this will ever matter so rejoice! Life is liberating. You are free to do anything you want. But as a human being which craves happiness, that is dopamine, it’s better to live a life according to your aspiration. So I want to experience this life to the fullest and that is the objective of my life apart from surviving and reproducing of course.

Now, I failed to get a good score in MCAT. It never mattered so don’t worry. Remember the most powerful person is the one who can cancel a deal first knowing that he lost nothing and the one who is willing to risk everything without clinging to it. Don’t be miserable, it was meaningless after all, but as it affected my life’s subjective meaning it was unfortunate. But rejoice, you can always go to a high-ranking private university like Shifa even if you fail. So you can still become a doctor! Even if it changes nothing. And you still have a month for Federal Medical and Dental College. Be rational and tackle your problems in the same way like a game. Think of your life as an open world game where anything you do, does not matter. So play your life like a chess and see how it goes. We will succeed in getting success in the way the world defines it, the definition which has, undoubtedly, carved my own ideal.

A Short Love Story

The small grains of sand, gushing in the whirlwind, stung my uncovered face as I hurried across the strait roofless street of the bazaar, illuminated by a faint glimpse of a lunar entity and twinkling shimmering stars in the pitch-obscurity of the dim matter, to a more urbane avenue. Thousands of penniless poverty-stricken people had joined the mirth of the city and the pompous gaiety of the more fortunate. People of different socioeconomic backgrounds intermingled like several canals of water into one homogeneous horde of mindless molecules rushing towards the sea, the exit. The waxing crescent represented an upcoming auspicious day, the Eid, but for the indigent, it was the present which mattered more than an unseen felicity.

Among the herd, I kept moving; going where the tide took me. For me, the ambiance and buoyancy of humanity were more reverent than what an apparently spiritualist day itself was. I was here for a reason for every soul that dwells inside this occult cycle of life has its raison d’etre. My income was minuscule but the possessions never define one’s sentiments and the extent of love itself. There were street-hawkers on the either side of the lane, some of which had gold and silver plated adornments and others which had bangles and accessories of the commoners. I had five hundred rupees inside the pocket, in my shalwar hemmed at the inner side, which I had procured by working overtime in a close-by eatery as a server. I belonged to a peasant family which had been working as farmers in rice paddy-fields for several generations. I caught a glimpse of shiny laced glass bangles sets which were finely arranged in four rows with five of such sets in each. There was also a white cardboard box with a transparent plastic on the posterior side containing an engraved gold-plated set with emerald-green synthetic jewels.

All that and she had demanded nothing from me. My heart was drenched in the aura of gloominess and desperation. Her father was one of the most well-respected and wealthy citizens of the city. She had paid a hefty tag of spurning her ties with her family. A young lady who was raised in the tip-top society, was sent to costly schools and was cleaned by conventions, turned down everything for a man who couldn’t even fulfill her wishes. I bought the jewelry and bangles along with henna with optimistic facial expressions trying to obscure the sadness that had engulfed my soul by then. I lurched among the excited crowd. Their happiness was consuming me. I stopped a rickshaw to take me to the nearest station which was one hour away from my house. One hour of the walk had me when I left my family but now It was more or less an indispensable part of my lifestyle.

We had acknowledged love over everything and we had never regretted the decision. Life is stale and agonizing amid the daily drudges of my occupation yet toward the day’s end, I feel blessed to be able to pay for her college and to return to her, my significant other. The time seemed to fly away as I was engrossed in the contemplation of our dark past. There I was in front of an old rustic wooden door attached to a not-so-dandy cemented house. It was not the best but it contented our fundamental requirements, nevertheless. I knew that she was in the kitchen because I could smell the enthralling aroma of spicy lentils cooked by a young lady who was spooned all her life. I knocked at the door. There was a clattering. And then I heard a soft yet resolute voice that resonated with my heartbeat and pierced my already throbbing heart. I burst into tears. All of my accrued emotions flooded my eyes and then splashed my face. The door opened and there she was, my everything.

A dazzling young lady, with an olive complexion, was gazing at me with rather curious dark brown eyes below arch shaped eyebrows. She had an oval face with eyes set equally apart; a prominent cheek bone; an angular jaw line; a rounded chin; a round nose below which rose-hued lips were present. Her long black hair was braided meticulously.

He dove towards her and shut the entryway behind him. His reflexes were sudden and unfathomable. This was the moment for which each of them had waited for so long an entire day. He put the bag containing the bangles set, henna and a few adornments on the couch quickly without letting her realize as he shoved himself through the entry-way. This was to be a surprise for her. He put his arms around the small of her back with her head pushed against his chest. There was a silence.

“Are you crying?” she asked moving her eyes towards him. She had noticed his wet cheeks.

“No, no. It’s nothing,” he said with mournful eyes.

“You know I hate it when someone lies to me, did something wrong happen?” She looked at him with a distressed expression.

He remained silent for some time but then blurted out.

“It’s just that……..I mean that you are amazing and deserve so much better but I can’t……” he said with his eyes darting at his feet.

He had finally said it. This sentiment lay with him through his long stretches of the day and contemplative nights as an unbidden guest.

“How dare you say that?! We have sacrificed our everything to live with each other. Had it been something else that I wanted I wouldn’t have put up with you for such a time. I love you! And that’s just what I want back in return.”

He looked at her with relief. This liberated him from an incipient anxiety that he was keeping her unhappy. They had sought love and love they had acquired.For her, he was incompletely immaculate and for him, she was defectively perfect.

The sobbing gradually diminished and the young couple kept staring each other. They closed their eyes and gradually pulled closer to each other until their lips touched. A chill went down the spine when their lips met. They were intoxicated with adrenaline. Their heart started pounding harder and harder until they felt it throbbing near their throat. She felt his lips quiver because of nervousness. She caressed his stubble. He felt as if he was corrupting her. Am I ready? Is this a sin? Will anybody know? What will they think? What will my mom say? What if we get caught? The fear kept rising inside each of them until it was completely eradicated. Instincts took over. There was no shame and no holding back. They started breathing heavily and kissing more passionately. He lifted her up holding her thighs and thrust her onto the bed. His cold hands met her warm smooth skin. She ran her bare hands beneath the hem of his shirt tracing to his back. This sent shivers down his spine. He felt goosebumps as he was enticed by the process. She couldn’t believe that she was doing this. She felt embarrassed and intimidated. Her face blushed as the blood gushed in her body but as the foreplay progressed she started feeling comfortable. He unbuttoned her shirt and she followed the suit. It was a normal deed; not a taboo she had been indoctrinated to believe in. This was an action far more reverent than the cultural norms and social constraints themselves.

The time stood still for both of them as they delved into a world unravished by the cruelties and pain of the imperfect world perfected by the evolution. This denied the existence of negativity and reality. He was looking at her like she was the most precious thing he’d ever possessed and was glad that there was no wall between them. She was apt that she, at last, had him all to herself and that her penances proved to be fruitful. It was neither lust nor sexual interest which held them close rather it was something more significant inside imperceptible to the human eye which fortified them. It was the reverence and love that had brooded between the soul-couples which animated their relationship. They had gone intensive predicaments and hardships yet stayed solid and undaunted, and this was the wellspring of their adoration. Unlike lust which is mortal, love itself is immortal. Love vanquishes everything.